There are relatively few things in this world that absolutely terrify me. The short list includes:
1.
Centipedes2.
Japanese movies (not the movies themselves, but the thought that somebody actually came up with this stuff)
3. Stephen Peterson after he thinks he has just had poop smeared on his face (that’s a story for another time)
4. Dice rolls before Professor Tubbs finals
As terrible as those things are, they are nothing compared to the one creature sure to strike fear deep in the heart of every man:
A five-foot-five, 130-pound Canadian woman
Canada’s
National Post published
this story from the town of Langley, BC, where the male population has been driven into hiding by “a serial groin kicker.”
Anthony Clark, age 22, was enjoying a peaceful walk through this quiet community outside of Vancouver when a “young woman inexplicably kicked him in the groin hard enough to send one of his testicles into his abdomen.”
As if being left writhing in pain on a sidewalk wasn’t enough to ruin his day, things got worse that night when Clark undressed and “noticed something was missing."
Things got even worse the next day, when despite doctors’ assurances that his injury could be corrected by surgery, he woke up in a hospital bed and “discovered the doctors were wrong - the force of the assault had caused his testicle to rupture. It had to be removed and will be replaced by a prosthetic before Christmas.”
First, that absolutely sucks! Second, while any man would surely want to be returned to the appearance of normalcy as soon as possible, why is Christmas the deadline? Is there some sort of Canadian yuletide tradition I’m not familiar with?
Back to Mr. Clark’s story – when he reported the incident to the police, constables informed him that there had been 3 or 4 similar attacks on area men. That’s right folks: A serial emasculator is on the loose!
Despite the traumatic events, Clark remains cautiously optimistic about his future. "My doctors say I will still be able to have children, but at 22 that's not something I want a stranger, this woman, to decide."
Anthony Clark’s story struck particularly close to home for me. Like him, I am 22 years old, and despite making several trips to Canada in my lifetime, I am still in good health. This made me realize that I have been truly blessed and should be grateful for the things I have.
Thus the Jester has decided to do more than report injustice and actually do something about it. This Sunday at Madison Square Garden we will host “Ballers for Balls: The 1st Annual NYC Celebrity Basketball Benefit for Testicular Trauma Awareness.”
The day’s festivities will include a basketball tournament featuring players from the Knicks and Nets alongside our very own TKC basketball team. There will also be a special appearance by the grand marshal of the event, Lance Armstrong. All proceeds will go to support the
Canadian Mounted Police in their efforts to catch the assailant.
Come out to support a good cause!
Stay tuned. Balls, ya’ll!
